The Aftershock…

My husband was on duty when I got the news about my cancer. I did not know what to say to him or how to say it. But I called him and just spit it out. “I have cancer.” He immediately told me that he would meet up with me. I called my job and told them I was not coming back to work for the rest of the day. I called my brothers, and asked one of them to promise that he wouldn’t tell my mother. I was terrified about how she would take the news, especially while she was out of the country on vacation with my grandmother. He told me that I would be wrong to hide it from her and the best way to tell her was in person with others around.

After leaving the doctor’s office, the tears stopped after trying to figure out if this was a joke. I could not understand how this was happening. Because I did not physically feel anything, it did not feel real. I was able to sit my father and siblings down and share the news with them, then a few days later with my mom. As time went by and I shared it with more people which became exhausting and more real.

Prior to my first meeting with my oncologist, I thought about my options; whether to keep or remove my breast. Although this was a hard thing to think about, I knew what the best option would be. I don’t have children yet and I’ve always wanted to breastfeed. Was I ready to give that all up? I know a few women who did not breast feed their babies, but for the most part, they has a choice. Removing my breast would give me no choice. No matter how many times someone tried to tell me that I did not need breast to have a child or that I would live to see my child grow up, that did not lessen the pain of knowing that I would miss out on the bonding opportunity I could have had if this thing had not invaded my life. But no matter how much that did hurt, I knew what my choice would be.

Sleepless nights; all I could hear in the quiet of the night was the doctor saying “it’s cancer.” Mixed emotions. Despite the increase in doctor’s visits and test, I did all I could to live life as normal as possible. I mean, life moves on whether you’re happy, sad, or angry. And I chose to move forward with life one day at a time.

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